bloodz.

So there is a "gang" in Saba.

That's right a gang... 

I'm almost certain there's only one. They call themselves the Bloodz, and considering I've met or spent time around the majority of the teenagers on the island by now... I think I can confidently say that there aren't actually any Crypts (Is that how you spell the name of the blue team?... I'm from the suburbs).

This "gang" mentality has developed somewhat slowly over the course of the three years I've been going to Saba from barely being noticeable the first year, starting to surface publicly the second year, and common, accepted knowledge this year.

The Bloodz of Saba aren't exactly the Bloodz of LA or New York... 

As far as I can tell, from observation and a few conversations, the main source of anger between the Bloodz, and the unnamed, unorganized opposition is mostly boredom... However, the claim is that the fights and wars of words are in the name of "respect."

Yes, this is silly. I did my best to say that whenever I got the chance, because you see I know most of the Bloodz. As a matter-of-fact, I love those guys, they are all brothers and fellow children of God. Honestly, most of them aren't that bad of kids, and I know that they also love and respect those of us from Lipscomb. (Reminiscing makes me want to go back!).

But one night something occurred to me about gangs. We were talking at devo and one of the members of this group (eventually referred to as a "social club" by some of our team) mentioned that he hopes to be remembered as someone who gave respect even though he never got any (please, for all that is good, refrain from thinking of Rodney Dangerfield).

This got me to thinking about the structure of gangs, and what it is exactly that motivates them.

Safety? Respect? Companionship? A sense of belonging?.... Community?

I've been writing about this all semester it seems... There is an innate desire in all humankind to belong to a community.  

We all want to belong to something bigger than ourselves.

Everybody wants to be surrounded by people who "have their back."

As my friend Akim (one of the higher-ups in the Bloodz) told me, "I got you man. You know that?" I'm not sure if there was a higher compliment he could have payed me... He was inviting me into his community. He was letting me know that we were family.

I guess I didn't even fully comprehend why Akim was so flattered when I told him I would take a bullet for him... He knew that I was allowing him into my community, and we are truly, brothers.

There's something to be said for a gang mentality... Not that anybody has to be more cutthroat or violent... Let's leave that part out of it.

But there is clearly a sense of pure community in the sense that each member of the gang is fully responsible for taking care of each of the other members.  

They are individually committed to the greater good of the collective group.

I mean... you and I may not be fighting against fists, knives, or guns... but what's wrong with forming a community that defends against the evils of the world or just the little facts of life that bring us down?

Why can't each of us... as a community of faith... be individually dedicated to the well-being of our brothers and sisters who are constantly fighting in the same battles we find ourselves in?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

If they fall down, they can help each other up. 
But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. 
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. 
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

dream.

Well, I've been back in the States now for about six days, and there is no way I could explain how dearly I wish that weren't so.

In the span of ten short (long) days, I was incredibly blessed to see old relationships strengthen, new relationships blossom, and old and new friends alike search for their place as members of God's story.

Our trip's theme this year was "Dream." Therefore, we focused our devotionals and some of our events on the idea of dreaming beyond today, and striving to be part of something bigger without letting anyone hold you back.  This is not at all to say that we want the teens in Saba to dream of getting away from Saba, but rather we want to break down the common attitude there that someone who is "successful" is a sell-out.  We would also love to see the kids do whatever is in their power to make Saba the best it can be by working together and supporting each other.

But I suppose my point is: This trip to Saba was incredible. It was my favorite trip yet of the three total years I have gone.

And it's so hard to describe why to the passing friends on campus that ask me how spring break was... There's just no word to describe it. So, I'll try to give some reasons why here. 

Going into the week, I really didn't know the members of our team very well. There were some that I knew from previous years, and one of my roommates was going, but there were a several I had hardly even spoken to. Granted it's only a 25 person team, but when ten of those are merely acquaintances, that's quite a different starting point then I've had in years past. The amazing thing, however, is that this team of seemingly random people came together better than any mission team I have ever been a part of.  There was no butting of heads, no bickering, and it was very clear that each and every one of us was there for the right reason: to love.

It has served as a great lesson for me to have seen the difference it makes when a mission team is focused on the purposes of God.  Internal conflicts fade away, everyone's job gets easier because everyone is there to lend a hand, and real conversations are formed.

That's the second thing that made this week great, relationships.  That's really what our trip is all about, and because our team worked together so well and built genuine relationships with each other, we were able to form genuine relationships with the people we had come to be with in Saba.  It is so clear that God brought us all together, from across North America, South America, Holland, and the Caribbean.

We are all members of the same family.

We all have the same Father who is showering us with love.

We are all part of His story.

For the first time in the time I have spent in Saba, I heard one of the Saban guys, who has spent a lot of time with us, talk about how he had seen God move in his life.

I had never heard any Saban say anything about the activity of God before... actually, I'm not sure if I had heard any Saban say anything about God before at all.

God was moving. God is moving, in the hearts of the people of Saba.

And I am so grateful and humbled to know that He is moving without my help. I'm just happy to be a witness to it.

Thank you God for Saba! The story that has led me into a relationship with that tiny little island is a testament to your greatness. You are unfathomable and too great to imagine. Thank you for painting your picture on a canvass that is much to large for me to comprehend. Your plan is perfect, your will supreme. Let me submit to it, Father. Make me your instrument of love and peace. Teach me to follow you in everything I do.

busy!

I like to title my blogs with one word, followed by a period. Have you noticed?

I have no idea why... I guess it's just like how Surdacki likes to put this ".::" before everything... it's just how I express my creativity...?

But I would just like to draw attention to how I'm shaking things up on this one... that, my friends, is what your English majors might call, an exclamation mark.

All that aside, may I just say that this week has been hectic.

So much so that I have had good ideas for blogs that I just have not had time to sit and write... so this is just a rain check blog to say I'm too busy to write a great blog.... can I do that?

Just did.

3x5.

I used to be a big John Mayer fan....... ladies.

But one of my favorite John Mayer songs has always been "3x5", a song about giving up on living behind a camera lens and experiencing life for what it really is. No filter, no focus, just live in the moment.

The song also alludes to the fact that he won't be able to show people pictures, but because he was fully present in the moment, he'll be able to tell you about it, and bring you along the next time.

This concept has stuck with me (obviously) for quite some time... there is something very real about this idea of living in the moment instead of trying to capture it all on film so you can experience that same moment later.

[Insert Demetri Martin joke: "The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."]

However, despite how ideas in this song have stuck with me, I have rarely ever put them into practice. 

As I prepare for Saba, round 3, I'm reminded that the first year I went to Saba, I came home with no less than 250 pictures. I actually remember having to go through and delete some so I would have enough memory for all of them.

The second year, I was aware of how much time I spent taking pictures, so I only came home with about 120 pictures that year.

I'm thinking about leaving the camera at home this time.

Sure, there will be moments I will hate I don't have captured on film, but the truth is, I've been there, and I know what it looks like now. It's time to be present in every moment.

It's time to stop viewing the world through a lens, and start living as an active participant in God's story.

Be. Intentional.

No more 3x5's.

saba.

I had the realization yesterday, that I will once again be in the most beautiful place in the world in just over a week.

That realization is both exhilarating and terrifying!

All at once I can't wait, and I can't seem to gather enough time to be prepared.  If only spring break were a week and a half so I could spend a few days running errands, gathering supplies, and a few days preparing my heart.

Right now, I am still very much in the cycle of "rest and rush" that I wrote about not too long ago, and it has been so difficult for me to focus my thoughts on God when so many other things are competing for my attention. I hate that feeling!

This very same thing has been an issue for me in the last two years I've traveled to Saba for spring break.  In the long run it may be impossible to feel as if I took advantage of every opportunity to be intentional, but the last two years have called for a tough look back, remembering all the chances I might have had to make more of an impact, to live more fully in Christ.

These next several days will be days of rush, with very little rest to be found, so I pray that God will keep me centered on His purpose and His passion.  

And I ask that, if you are reading this, you keep me in your prayers, not just for safety but that my heart will be beating at the same rhythm as God's.

Time is moving quickly! God you are faster. Carry me.

expression.

There are a certain few, yet soul-shifting gifts the Lord has bestowed upon us. 
Gifts through which we may be allowed a fleeting vision of who He is and gain a veiled understanding of what His mystery entails.

Things that stir the soul... things that evoke lost and latent emotion... things that awaken an utterly deprave spirit to glory...

these things are expressions of our Father.


We see Him in art.

We have conversations with Him in prayer.

We feel Him in music.

We sing harmony with His angels in worship.

We even read His very words in scripture.

But most clearly...

we experience Him... in love.


I pray that my life may become a testament to expression. The expression of these indescribable glimpses of Heaven. The glimpses that God, our Father, has so graciously granted us...
amen(?) 

answers.

I don't have the answers.

You shouldn't ask me for them.

However...

I am willing to listen,

and maybe direct you to the One who does have the answers.

I don't have the answers,

but I am searching.

I'm ok with that.