Nonetheless, I have to wonder if there is something wrong with the amount of time and energy I pour into studying and taking classes over the time I am allowed to be focused on my spiritual formation. Even when many of the classes I take are about the Bible, the church, or spirituality, is that practical? Am I really accomplishing things in the name of God, or am I just preparing for a time when I will be working in God's name?
I often wonder how much of my university experience is spent on preparation for ministry as opposed to actual ministry.
Don't get me wrong... I know I am not yet qualified to be a full-time minister with a paid position at a church. I have a lot to learn. But with all the time I owe to studying, classes, and the occasional few hours of sleep, how do I allot the remaining portion of my time?
It could be argued that I have learned just as much in the past two and a half years from the amazing people in my life as I have learned from the classes I have taken. In no way do I consider that a failure on behalf of my teachers or the curriculum, but rather, a testament to what it means to live in community with God's people.
Because of this, I have to wonder even more... where does my free time go?
Is it not more important to build or create relationships in the name of community than to spend time researching for a paper or reading books? And what about when the books are good for me too? What about when all I need to do is sit down and pray, read Scripture, or even relax?
Unfortunately, I don't think there are answers to be rendered from these questions just yet, so I must continue to strive for some kind of healthy balance in my life.
God in your infinite grace and wisdom, grant me peace. Peace to know that I am yours, peace to know that you are my everything. Teach me to love like you love, and open up my eyes to what you are calling me towards each day. Amen.
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