beginnings.

I decided that it may be best to state a purpose for this blog/journal. We like for things to have a purpose. We like to have a purpose.

The main reason for this blog stems from my class load this semester containing one class which requires regular journaling and one class which requires regular blogging. So this will be a bit of both of those things.

However, I decided in the naming process (a surprisingly long and difficult process) what the main purpose of this blog should be, thanks in large part to my dear friend, Mr. Sufjan Stevens.

"Oh God, Where Are You Now? (Pickeral Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)" is the title of one of Stevens' songs. This song, and the title itself have been quite significant to me over the past year or two as they offer a sense of searching, hope, and trust that finely encapsulate many emotions I have faced, and continue to face, in my pursuit of God. The beginning verse offers an example:

"Oh God, where are you now?

Oh Lord, hold me now.

There's no other man who can raise the dead,

so do what you can to anoint my head"

The irony in these lyrics really capture the sense of irony in my own distrust of Father God as well as an earnest desire for affirmation or just contact with Him.

As for the title itself, I actually found great meaning it (as nerdy as it may be) when I used "Jesse is in Pickeral Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?" as a Facebook status. It was this sense of reentering the search for God in His fullest presence (what Jonathan Safran Foer might have Alex call, "our most rigid search" [Everything is Illuminated reference]) that made this list of Michigan towns relevant for the first time.

Now, as far as I know, Sufjan Stevens' only purpose in listing the towns was to incorporate the theme of his "Greetings from Michigan" album with an illustration of searching. However, I found that injecting myself into the search renders something new, something different. All of the sudden I am not only on the path, searching for God, but all the while I realize that the answer to my question is, "yes." It doesn't matter what town I am searching through, yes, He is there. He has been there, arms wide.

So despite my "rigid search" I have only to look into my heart. Is God in Pickeral Lake, Pigeon, Marquette, or Mackinaw? Of course... but why am I looking there? Maybe the question is: where am I?

So that name was the easy part... then came the URL address. I went through a few ideas before settling on "Lost in a cloud" (or 1ostinacloud... lostinacloud was taken, of course). This phrase comes, once again, from Sufjan Stevens, but also from Matthew 17:5, Mark 9:7, and Luke 9:34 (the different accounts of the Transfiguration). In the story, the voice of God comes as Jesus, Peter, James, John, Moses, and Elijah are enveloped by a cloud on the mountaintop. The voice proclaims, "This is my son, whom I love. Listen to him!"

In the refrain of his song entitled, appropriately, "The Transfiguration", Sufjan Stevens sings,

"Lost in the cloud, a voice. Have no fear! We draw near!

Lost in the cloud, a sign. Son of man! Turn your ear.
Lost in the cloud, a voice. Lamb of God! We draw near!
Lost in the cloud, a sign. Son of man! Son of God!"

Thus, the web address "Lost in a cloud"

So what does all this mean? How does this come together as a purpose?

Simply put, I am a searcher.

I am a visitor here, a nomad on earth, and it is my mission to seek the Lord through the clouds and all the towns in Michigan, because the cloud has something to say, and miles traveled in Michigan will only reveal what has been here all along.

So where do I search?

I have learned that to search may not require a single step. There are miles of paths to be traveled in my heart and mind, miles upon miles of paths that I have never ventured down before. There is searching to be done, but it is searching that will never be completed.

I will always be in Pickeral Lake leaving for Mackinaw, I will always be building shelters for Jesus, Moses, and Elijah, not having a clue as to why. But how desperately I hope for the moments when the cloud comes.

For in the cloud, you don't have to look far to find it... all you have to do is listen.

My hope is that this journal be an expression of my "most rigid search" for harmony and relationship with God. Whether it be in Marquette, or lost in a cloud.

Amen.